Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
