Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
two words...techno handjob
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
