I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
