I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
