An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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