Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
