you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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