Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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