sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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