omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
