I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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