I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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