dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
