Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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