If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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