Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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