R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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