Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
