So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize