We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
