i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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