i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
