then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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