whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
