This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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