allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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