Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
