can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
