Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
my shit smells like andre
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
