I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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