so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I need to stop coming to work sober
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They are going to name an STD after you.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
