I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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