so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
