I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
