Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
