Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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