i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
