Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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