I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
