I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
