How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
