her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
