The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
