woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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