it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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