I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
