U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
