coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I enjoy the company of your penis
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize