So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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