I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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