went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
