Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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