He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
my liver is dry heaving
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
