there was a trapeze. enough said
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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