Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
