I think I am morally bankrupt
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
