I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
