I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
