I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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