matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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