Porn is love you can see.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
