We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
