he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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