WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
