So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
