how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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